How to improve your social skills

Key takeaways:
Start small by practicing in low-pressure environments to build confidence.
Master the art of listening to connect more deeply with others.
Use body language and authenticity to enhance your interactions.

Having a proper arsenal of social skills at your disposal is one of the most important to have in order to have a successful trajectory for either your profession or day-to-day life. Whether you aim to build stronger relationships, succeed in your career, or feel more confident in social settings, honing these skills can profoundly impact your life. Here’s a personal take on elevating your social game, enriched with examples and insights from networking experts.

Start small: Practice in low-pressure environments

Some people find initiating conversations difficult. One way to overcome this fear is to start in comfortable settings. For instance, the next time you’re at the grocery store, start a conversation with the cashier. Ask about their day or comment on the weather. It might seem trivial, but these small interactions build confidence.

Renowned networking coach Vanessa Van Edwards suggests, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Whether we like to admit it or not, we decide if we like someone, if we trust someone, and if we want a relationship with someone within the first few seconds of meeting them. Don’t try to impress people, let them impress you.”

Master the art of listening

Connecting is more than just conversing; it’s about forming bonds. One of the greatest tools for connecting with others is listening. When someone else is speaking, listen completely; look at them, nod vigorously, and ask questions that affirm or clarify points made.

Say you’re at a party meeting a person who loves hiking. Instead of something as simple as, “That’s cool,” do some exploring. Try asking them, “What’s the most notable hike you’ve taken?” or “What or who inspired you to start hiking?” or “What got you hooked into hiking?” Inquiries like these show that you have a genuine interest and can lead to richer, more memorable discussions.

Keith Ferrazzi is an expert in networking and the author of Never Eat Alone. He articulates that “the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.” In other words, being generous in conversations means really listening and making another feel appreciated and valued.

Learn the power of body language

Your nonverbal cues speak volumes. Stand tall, keep your arms open, and smile often. These actions make you more confident and can make you appear more approachable and trustworthy.

For example: Imagine you’re networking at an event. You notice two people. One is slouched in the corner, scrolling on their phone, while the other is standing confidently, smiling, and making eye contact with those passing by. Who are you more likely to approach? Probably the latter.

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s research highlights that “power posing”—adopting expansive, open stances—can influence how you feel about yourself. Confidence attracts connections.

Be curious and authentic

You naturally become more engaging when you approach social interactions with sincere curiosity. People love to talk about what they care about and the things that define them. You create an atmosphere in which people feel comfortable enough to value themselves as well by showing real curiosity.

For instance, if it is your first time meeting someone from work, ask them what role they’re in or what they like the best about their job. Authenticity must be the whole key-no feigning interest in something you really don’t care about. Find the common ground.

Don’t fear rejection

Not all social outings will be great, and that’s fine. Not everyone may respond as positively as you wish, but that doesn’t define you as a whole. Take every opportunity as an experience gained.

In summary, Harvard’s research on effective communication emphasizes its critical role in leadership and organizational success. It identifies key skills such as clarity, active listening, and emotional intelligence, offering practical strategies to foster trust, collaboration, and productivity in today’s complex workplace.

Conclusion

It’s a process, not an endpoint, to develop your social skills. Enter it step by step, learn to be an active listener, train in nonverbal communication, and remain real. Remember, as Dale Carnegie said in “How to Win Friends and Influence People”: You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than by trying to get other people interested in you for two years. So, take that first step-you surely can!

Frequently asked questions

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What causes poor social skills?

Poor social skills can be caused by limited exposure or experience, anxiety and stress, different communication styles, cultural or neurodivergent differences, remote or digital working environments, or lack of feedback and guidance.

Why do smart people lack social skills?

Smart people may lack social skills because they often prioritize intellectual pursuits over social interactions, may struggle with overthinking or perfectionism in conversations, or may not have had opportunities to develop these skills due to focusing on solitary activities.

How to improve your social life

To improve your social life, engage in activities that interest you, join groups or communities, practice active listening, show genuine curiosity about others, and consistently try to reach out and maintain connections.